You would have heard of writer’s block, reader’s block, exercising block, and other blocks of life. But what happens when all of it happens together? The world around me seemed to go slow yet everything locomoted at the fastest pace. So here’s my vulnerable account of how I feel while the world around me is standing still.
I have always been an avid reader, fond of writing, and able to find time to exercise come hell or high water. However, 2022 till now has not been kind to me at all. My professional life is going great and my personal life superficially is shaping up fine. But there is something majorly off in the way I am handling my emotions. It’s a grip that slips away with each passing day and I don’t have any rejoinder for this. It all started off on a seemingly inoffensive note and might I add, gradually. Rome was not built in a day, so wasn’t this phase of my life (hoping it to be a passing phase). To explain how it feels, let me take the example of my writer’s block. I generally pen down my experiences and feelings through my blogs, but this time I couldn’t. I began erasing sentence after sentence, doubting each word I wrote. So I pushed back and started to divert my mind to other productive things. I picked up a book, and jumped from page to page, trying to tickle my senses but all my efforts went in vain and thumped the book back in its rack. That’s where I thought working out could be a rescue to remove my writer’s block and help me gain some perspective on the topic I was about to rough out. I summoned the courage to wear those tights and hit the park for a quick jog when I realized that I will need more courage for the activity than anticipated. As a result, I stayed back and watched Netflix instead.
At first, I thought I was in control of my emotions, and not alarmed at this unpleasant gesture. But as the weeks go by, and nothing around me changed, I began to panic. I went from not wanting to ‘force it’ to not wanting to ‘address it’. Being stuck in a rut has made me very observational. I began to notice things around me and watch motivational YouTube videos and Apple Podcasts. I try to apply new techniques for my well-being, but nothing changed. Even changing locations has not helped me to re-shape my life. I am still stuck where I was, with time running out of my hand and my wishlist and weight increasing by the day. Now, all I want to do is, cozy up in a blanket like a burrito and watch Netflix.
What is my way forward here? This ‘block of life’ has stayed and I am not gaining any clarity. To add to that, I now take time to process each emotion longer than I am accustomed to. I inexpressively panic every day as I feel like I have lost that sense of conviction, a few dear relations, and balance in my life. It is difficult to digest this phase of life, and with all the flog around, I don’t know if I will ever get the answers to this.
Did you ever have a dull phase like this, where everything is going wrong, even though it doesn’t seem like it?
